If you’re reading this, most likely you already know what Valentine’s Day means. It’s a day of love, of showing affection to one’s partner or friends. Some countries celebrate it differently than others, but the overall concept is the same.
Love is celebrated on this day, and it’s seen as a good way to shower your partner with affection and strengthen your relationship. On the face of it, there should be no objections to celebrating this harmless, if not downright adorable, holiday.
However, when you glance over the history of this holiday and what it’s turned into today, you begin to wonder why exactly this day is celebrated. Far from wondering whether Muslims can celebrate it, the question rather turns to, ‘Why should anyone celebrate it?’
How February changed forever
There are several myths that surround this day, each more bizarre than the last. The one thing they all have in common is that none of them have anything to do with romance or love.
The only solid facts about the origin of St Valentine’s Day are that a bishop named Valentine was executed on February 14 sometime in the third century. Some also say that there were two such people who were executed on February 14 in different years. After the Romans accepted Christianity, their ‘martyrdom’ was honoured with the celebration of St Valentine’s Day. It was merely a day of remembrance, and looked nothing like what the day is today.[1]
There are numerous legends which try to create a connection between this day and the theme of love or romance, but there is little or no concrete evidence that any of those legends or myths relate to the celebration of love on Valentine’s Day.
The first known association between the theme of love and Valentine’s Day is said to be a work by Chaucer written in 1382, and some even prove that he was the ‘original mythmaker’ of this day.[2]
Slowly, poetry about Valentine’s Day being a day of love emerged around the same time as Chaucer, with several writers, including Shakespeare, alluding to this day as a day of love and romance.[3] This also helped the day gain popularity in Britain and the rest of Europe as a day of love.
Consequently, handmade paper cards became a staple of the celebration of Valentine’s Day in the early modern era. Eventually, the tradition crept into our world today, cemented with the introduction of factory-made cards in the 19th century. In 1913, Hallmark began mass-producing valentines and February has never been the same.[4]
Commercialism
Today, it’s no secret that this holiday is a huge moneymaker. Companies such as Hallmark, Hershey’s and Tiffany have basically trained the public to show love by buying gifts. Their pervasive marketing campaigns online and in real life help to explain why people feel bad or even unloved if their partners don’t shower them with gifts on this day.
Now, Valentine’s Day is not even just for partners in a relationship anymore. Rather, companies like Hallmark have expanded their consumer base to include even relations like grandsons and parents. One article in The Atlantic puts it rather cohesively:
‘Valentine’s Day has long been an unwelcome prompt for many single people to reflect on their love life, but the celebration’s expansion beyond romantic love is a mercilessly equal-opportunity development. It takes the worst part of the holiday, the obligatory commercialism, and foists it upon everyone who cares about anyone.’[5]
If you’ve watched Mad Men, you know the advertising industry works hard to ensure that holidays such as Valentine’s Day are a deeply ingrained cultural norm. These companies have made it so that the more one spends on the holiday for their loved one, the more they care and vice versa. This makes this entire ordeal dangerously superficial, and leads to extreme spending. It goes without saying that Islam is not in favour of superficiality, especially with one’s partner. Islam tells couples to avoid doublespeak, and reminds us constantly that deeds are judged by their motives.[6]
But the ads and marketing campaigns work. This year, consumers in the US alone are expected to spend $25.9 billion on Valentine’s Day, up from $23.9 billion in 2022 and one of the highest spending years on record.[7]
A toxic gift-giving culture
Shoppers may be spending all that money year in and year out on heart-shaped boxes and flowers, but they’re doing so out of obligation, not devotion.[8] According to one survey, 63% of males and 31% of females feel they have to give a gift to their partner.[9]
Aversely, it makes sense that thinking about Valentine’s Day as some sort of special day reserved for showing love can also deprive a person from showing love and appreciation frequently.[10]
The Promised Messiahas makes us understand that such descriptions and measurements of love cannot be true love. He writes:
“It should be understood that love is not something you do with artificiality and pretension; rather, it is one of the human strengths. The essence of love is that the heart is drawn towards something out of admiration for it. And just as the true features of anything are fully appreciated at its climax, so is it true of love that its true wonders become clearly apparent when it reaches its zenith and perfection.”[11]
Again, it should be remembered that gift-giving is a good thing. It can be a way to express love in ways words can’t really describe. Therefore, Islam naturally encourages gift-giving. The Holy Prophetsa and his companions also exchanged gifts, and the Holy Prophetsa was in the habit of giving gifts to the friends of Hazrat Khadijara, his first wife, years after she had passed away.[12]
The environmental factor
But Islam also encourages us to be mindful of our intentions and our surroundings, and not exceed certain limits. Valentine’s Day is the second-biggest card-exchanging holiday after Christmas.
However, whereas 145 million Valentine’s cards are sold in the US annually[13], 33% of Americans don’t even want such gifts, and most likely, a cringy card given to a co-worker or classmate is going to end up in the trash the next day.[14]
Needless to say, that’s pretty wasteful, not to mention bad for the environment. If you think a dozen red roses are the way to go, you might be mistaken. These roses also have an adverse effect on the environment, especially considering the emissions needed to transport them and keep them refrigerated.[15]
You might consider jewellery a good alternative, but again, you would be wrong. Activists actually use Valentine’s Day as an example to educate people about the dangers of the gold industry because of how common of a present it is, and the amount of waste it produces.[16]
A story of true love
However, all this doesn’t mean that Islam frowns upon love, or showing love to one’s spouse. Modern culture might have distorted our understanding of love, but we have sufficient examples to remind ourselves of what true love looks like.
One could talk endlessly about the love that defined the relationship of the Holy Prophetsa and Hazrat Khadijara, where Hazrat Khadijara, although much older than the Holy Prophetsa, was utterly devoted to him, and him to her. Her passing greatly grieved the Holy Prophetsa, and he would always remember her with great love.
However, out of many such examples, perhaps another interesting example much closer to our own time is that of Hazrat Musleh-e-Maudra and Hazrat Maryam, commonly referred to as Syeda Umme Tahirra. Hazrat Musleh-e-Maudra had married her since she was a young widow with no prospects, but he was not particularly attached to her.
But when his first wife, Hazrat Syeda Amatul Hayyra, passed away, it pained him immensely. Before her passing, she showed great concern for her young children. Huzoorra desperately wanted to console her, and when they got a moment of privacy, he said to her, ‘Amatul Hayy, why do you worry so much? If I live, I will look after your children and [insha’Allah] will not let any harm come their way.’[17]
However, Huzoorra writes, ‘For her solace I uttered those words, but in reality, I hadn’t a clue what to do.’[18] At this desperate time, he turned to Hazrat Umme Tahirra and asked her if she would take care of his children. Marvelling at her acceptance of this responsibility, Huzoorra writes:
‘It was no ordinary thing for a 19-year-old girl to suddenly become a mother of three. However, she readily and enthusiastically took up the responsibility and helped me in a time when nobody in the world could. She relieved me of a promise I had made at a time when I saw no way of fulfilling it.’
‘At that moment, I made a pledge to her: “Maryam, if you raise these children, I promise that I will love you immeasurably”. I cried and cried before God, praying that Allah developed love in my heart for her, which He heard. From that day onwards, I had great love for her. Any reservations I ever had were removed and she won my heart over.’[19]
After her passing, Hazrat Musleh-e-Maud’s love for her stirred him to pen a beautiful piece titled My Maryam, in which he outlined her qualities and shone a light on their mutual love.
They spent years together, and Huzoorra presents heaps of instances where their mutual love shines. He loved her dearly, but whenever she would ask him who he loved the most, he always replied, ‘God Almighty’s instruction forbids me from answering this.’[20]
What was this instruction? As a Muslim, one may not love anyone more than Allah the Almighty and His Prophetsa, so Huzoorra was forced to give her no reply.
This is the same reason the Holy Prophetsa stated that, ‘If I were to take a Khalil [friend] from mankind, I would certainly have taken Abu Bakr, but the Islamic brotherhood and friendship is sufficient.’[21] This does not mean that they were not friends. On the contrary, he was his favourite person in the world[22], but that a man’s one true friend can only be Allah, and the brotherhood of Islam that demands all people to live with love and harmony is sufficient.[23]
The following words of the Promised Messiahas shed further light on the Islamic concept of love:
‘The fact is that when someone is in the utmost love with another, it is as if he has imbibed or assimilated the beloved and thereby he takes on the qualities and character of the beloved. The greater the love, the greater is the natural attraction to the qualities of the beloved, so much so that he becomes the mirror image of his beloved. This is the explanation why the one who loves God, obtains, to the best of his potential, the Light innate in the Being of God.’[24]
This is why a Muslim’s first love must be Allah alone. Only then would such a Muslim be able to attain those lofty spiritual heights which Islam demands that he aim towards.
But after Hazrat Syeda Umme Tahirra passed away, Huzoorra, referencing the question she often asked, wrote:
‘Today, if Allah brought her to this world and enabled her to see the rays of light constantly shimmering from my heart, extending to the Heavens in supplication for mercy and clinging on to God’s throne, she would know the answer to her question. […]
‘O my Lord! O my Lord! For a long period, I suppressed myself to fulfil Your command. Will You not keep my Maryam happy in the next world in return for this? O my Master! I beseech Your mercy and prostrate my being before You. Accept this supplication of mine and keep the flame [of love] between us alive forever and protect it from all calamities and misfortunes.’[25]
Now that is true love.
ENDNOTES:
- Chapman, A. A. (2013). Patrons and Patron Saints in Early Modern English Literature. New York: Routledge.
- Oruch, J. B. (1981). St. Valentine, Chaucer, and Spring in February. Speculum, 56(3), 534–565. https://doi.org/10.2307/2847741
- See William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5
- According to research by University of Nevada history professor Elizabeth Nelson, the commercialization of Valentine’s Day began in the late 1800s, when printing and paper production became more affordable. Hallmark was founded in 1911, and almost mysteriously, children began exchanging valentines at school shortly thereafter. Today, brands such as Hallmark have become staples of Valentine’s Day. So much so, in fact, that the term for a holiday which only exists for corporate reasons is called a Hallmark Holiday, and Valentine’s Day is said to be one of them. See Summers, K. (2020, February 5). The Hidden History of Valentine’s Day. Retrieved February 7, 2023, from University of Nevada, Las Vegas: https://www.unlv.edu/news/release/hidden-history-valentines-day and Bender, J. (2012, February 10). On Valentine’s Day, do we still need Hallmark? Retrieved February 7, 2023, from The Washington Post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/on-valentines-day-do-we-still-need-hallmark/2012/02/08/gIQAsaKP4Q_story.html
- Pinsker, J. (2020, February 14). The New Valentine’s Day Is Coming for All Your Relationships. Retrieved February 6, 2023, from The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/02/valentines-day-everyone-relationships/606580/
- See the Holy Qur’an, Surah Al-Ahzab 33:70 and the first narration in Sahih Bukhari
- Watts, L. (2023, January 25). Consumers Plan to Increase Valentine’s Day Spending to Nearly $26 Billion. Retrieved February 6, 2023, from National Retail Federation (NRF): https://nrf.com/media-center/press-releases/consumers-plan-increase-valentines-day-spending-nearly-26-billion
- Khazan, O. (2014, February 14). Valentine’s Day Isn’t About Love – It’s About Obligation. Retrieved February 6, 2023, from The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/02/valentines-day-isnt-about-love-its-about-obligation/283826/
- Close, A. G., & Zinkhan, G. M. (2009, February). Market-resistance and Valentine’s Day events. Journal of Business Research, 62(2), 200–207. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jbusres.2008.01.027
- Fader, J. (2015, March 27). How Valentine’s Day Is Ruining Relationships. Retrieved February 6, 2023, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-new-you/201503/how-valentines-day-is-ruining-relationships
- Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmadas (2022). The Light of the Holy Quran – Number Two. (2022). Farnham, Surrey, UK: Islam International Publications Ltd., p. 130
- See Sahih Bukhari, Kitab al-Hibati wa Fadliha
- Valentine’s Day. Retrieved February 6, 2023, from Hallmark Corporate Information: https://corporate.hallmark.com/holidays-occasions/valentines-day/
- Ballard, J. (2019, February 7). This is what men and women really want for Valentine’s Day. Retrieved February 7, 2023, from YouGov: https://today.yougov.com/topics/consumer/articles-reports/2019/02/07/valentines-day-gift-ideas-wife-girlfriend-husband
- See Buckingham, K. (2016, February 9). Love hurts: environmental risks in the cut-flower industry. Retrieved February 6, 2023, from Policy Forum: https://www.policyforum.net/love-hurts-environmental-risks-in-the-cut-flower-industry/ and Valle, G. D. (2019, February 12). The hidden environmental cost of Valentine’s Day roses. Retrieved February 7, 2023, from Vox: https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/2/12/18220984/valentines-day-flowers-roses-environmental-effects
- Bland, A. (2014, February 14). The Environmental Disaster That is the Gold Industry. Retrieved February 7, 2023, from Smithsonian Magazine: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/environmental-disaster-gold-industry-180949762/
- Meri Maryam, Anwar-ul-Ulum, Vol. 17, p. 351 (translation taken from Hazrat Mirza Bashiruddin Mahmood Ahmad (2020, February 07). My Maryam Part I. Al Hakam(99), p. 7)
- Ibid.
- Ibid.
- Meri Maryam, Anwar-ul-Ulum, Vol. 17, p. 355 (translation taken from Hazrat Mirza Bashiruddin Mahmood Ahmad (2020, February 14). My Maryam Part II. Al Hakam(100), p. 4)
- See the full narration in Sahih Bukhari, Kitab Al-Salat, hadith 466
- Sahih Bukhari, Kitab Fazail Ashab Al-Nabi, hadith 3662
- The Holy Qur’an unequivocally states in Surah Al-Hujarat 49:11: ‘Surely all believers are brothers’ and even states in Surah Aale Imran 3:104 that, ‘remember the favour of Allah which He bestowed upon you when you were enemies and He united your hearts in love.’
- Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmadas (2022). The Light of the Holy Quran – Number Two. (2022). Farnham, Surrey, UK: Islam International Publications Ltd. p. 131
- Meri Maryam, Anwar-ul-Ulum, Vol. 17, p. 355 (translation taken from Hazrat Mirza Bashiruddin Mahmood Ahmad (2020, February 14). My Maryam Part II. Al Hakam(100), pp. 4–5)